Thursday, October 1, 2015

On Disappointment.

I have not had the career I once thought I would. I have never been overly ambitious, but saw myself rising to middle-management after a few years of administrative work and then slowly working my way onward and upward. 

After graduation from ASU, it took me about three months to land a job, but once I did I was very happy. My year with Hilton doing PR was frantic, overwhelming and freeing. I had complete autonomy to do what I wanted, when I wanted. On the flip-side, I had no direction from my supervisor and started to feel lost in the shuffle. The work wasn't meaningful to me and I wanted to go to work each day feeling a sense of personal fulfillment. I applied for two or three jobs, interviewed and got an entry-level position with a non-profit that was worldwide in scope and largely recognizable. To say I was ecstatic was an under-statement. 

A few years passed and I was content. I was good at what I did and pushed myself each day to be better. After about three years, though, I started to yearn for something more. I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do but knew I wanted to stay in the non-profit world. There were so many areas I was interested in too and the world seemed open to me! I applied for a position with a chapter, went through the entire interview process and was told I did not get the promotion, and I was the runner up. 

Not too discouraged, I quickly applied for another promotion at the office I was working at. Again, I was the runner up and they hired someone with much more experience than I had. I understood completely. Then I applied out of state for a job I wanted DESPERATELY. I traveled there for the interviews and they went very well. Yet again, I was the runner up. All of my feedback thus far had been glowing. "You are incredible, articulate and qualified," was always what they said. "We just found someone with more experience."

There was a short period of time I experienced what I felt was a true quarter-life crisis. I wanted to be a nanny. I wanted to work on a cruise ship. I wanted to go back and work at Disney in the park. I was all over the map and simply wanted something new and exciting. The stability of a career seemed overrated to me. I started pursuing those paths and felt the gentle nudge of the Spirit leading me back to where I was. I decided to work on becoming the best version of myself at the job I was in. 

Guess what? I did it. I excelled. I received glowing reviews. A year ago, I got a small promotion into a more senior coordinator role. The pay raise was wonderful, but I was still doing the same thing. I started to feel stuck again. Over the past two months I have applied for and gone through the entire interview process for two great positions. I was the runner up for both. I applied for another promotion at work and was turned down because of an outside hire. 

The only word that can describe how I'm feeling right now is STUCK. I am not where I want to be and I do not see a way out. I am doing everything I possibly can. I am networking, building my skill set, volunteering, applying, interviewing, asking for feedback. Is it just not my time? I keep trying to remember that the Lord has a plan for me and that there are greater things ahead, but there is only so much rejection, discouragement and disappointment a person can take. 

Has anyone else experienced this and have wisdom/advice for me?

Amazing things will happen. #wisdom #affirmations:


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