Monday, May 1, 2017

Shop Ashley Lemieux

For years I have struggled with my own sense of personal style. I never knew what was really me, what fit well or looked flattering. Throughout my 20's I have experimented with a lot of different styles and brands (dressing modestly is NO JOKE PEOPLE), but when my friend Ashley Lemieux (founder of my favorite jewelry brand/nonprofit, the Shine Project), started her own clothing line I was ecstatic. I have always loved every single thing she wears - she has such a great fashion sense. She launched last Fall and her brand has blown up in a big way. When she releases new pieces they sell out within hours. I always sit by my computer so I can snag some favorites! I've never felt more beautiful or confident in a clothing line before. So when she needed models for a launch, I was there! 

The shoot was soooo fun. I didn't know any of the girls except for Ashley and Ashley's husband Mike took the photos. I was really nervous at first but found myself feeling more confident and beautiful as we went along. Of course I loved all of her pieces, but one in particular really spoke to me. Guess what? She named it after me!! You can buy the Whitney Floral Maxi dress HERE. 

Enjoy some of my favorite photos!

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Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset


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Monday, April 17, 2017

You Do Know Me

I was having a particularly difficult night. I felt lonely, tired, unmotivated and uninspired. I began to wonder if I even really had a relationship with my Savior. When was the last time I had felt his love? When was the last time I really understood his hand in my life? I fell to the floor on my knees and let out a heartfelt, tear-filled prayer. 

"I just want a relationship with your Son," I pleaded. "I want to feel close to him and know him again."

I slipped into bed and before sleep took me I heard this as clear as day in my mind: "You do know me," immediately followed by a memory.

The memory was the out pour of love after I had repented of a major sin. It was the hardest time of my entire life and yet I had never known my Savior better. I understood his atonement... what it meant to me personally. I was becoming more like him every day through service. I did know him. And I still do.

I just want to remind everyone it's not easy. Sometimes I lose my faith. Sometimes I wonder or worry. I feel anxious or sad or alone. In those times though, I know it's so important to remember the times when we did feel... when we did KNOW.

#cslewis #jesus #hope #truth #love

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Sunday, April 2, 2017

I Am Certain

There are lots of things in this world that I do not understand. That used to really bother me, but now it doesn't. I have faith that one day I will understand, even if it's not in this lifetime. I'm okay with that. I am certain that God has a plan for me. I am certain that He loves me more than I could possibly know and that He sent His Son to die for me. I am certain that I have influence in this world and that there is light in me and work to be done. I am certain it will all work out.


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Thursday, March 16, 2017

On the Edge

I feel like I'm on the edge of something (a phrase we use at Girl Scouts) really incredible and important in my life right now. I've discovered more about who I am and how God feels about me in the last two months than ever before. As I reflect, I think it's due to some very key events that happened since early December:
  • Feeling depressed after surgery; confused about my spirituality and gaining more perspective/strengthening testimony
  • Let's Get Real event with mom
  • Seeing the movie "the Shack"
  • Reading the book "The Gifts of Imperfection"
  • Phone conversations with Bonnie
  • Reading the Book of Mormon with a study guide
  • Daily affirmations and selfies with Abby 
  • Consistently staying for all three hours of church
  • Starting to slowly get back to the gym and eat healthier 
  • Real, personal prayer
My prayers have really changed, as has my faith and perspective on who God is. I've started asking Him to let me know how He feels about me and how I can better "show up" in my life. I ask to see His hand in all I do and to feel joy through trials and sorrow. I'm starting to wake up happy and enjoy my days. I'm also enjoying work so much I can't believe it. It's incredible to have that in the workplace and to feel seen and loved.

All of the events above are shaping me into something greater and opening up my eyes to who I am and my purpose here on Earth. I think I'm moving towards starting to love myself, little by little. I know this is something I need to work on before I meet "the man," and I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow. I used to be so angry and bitter with God for making me wait for my dreams to come true but I now see He is saving me for something special and using this time to mold me into an incredible woman. I know it's an uphill battle and there's probably a lifetime of learning ahead. I know there will be good days and bad days. But this I know as well: I was brought to this earth for a very particular reason and I am a daughter of a King. I am divine. I am loved. I may even be beautiful. ;)


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Friday, March 3, 2017

I'll be Happy One Day...

The past few months or so have just been... off. I feel like I've consistently been in this state of: "I'll be happier when I lose 20 pounds" or "I'll just be happy one day when I'm married and have my babies." And so I've been sitting at home, hiding from the world (because when you hide you can't get hurt), waiting for a miracle to happen in my life (AKA Prince Charming will suddenly waltz through my door and I'll miraculously be skinny). But you know what the thing is? God is a miracle worker, but he can't give you a miracle if you don't show up. For the past few months I haven't been showing up for my life. I go to church but I either leave early or sneak out right after the three-hour block. I don't go to church activities anymore or do a good job of fulfilling my calling. I keep telling myself "NEXT Monday I'll go to the gym." Part of it is I'm scared to run into anyone looking how I look. And today I realized the real reason is something deeper. I don't show up because I'm TERRIFIED of meeting the right man or being healthy/fit. I'm terrified because I don't feel like I deserve either of those things.

I know it's crazy. I can look at a room full of women and see their beauty, their potential, their strengths and weaknesses and I draw from their stories. But I look in the mirror and I see nothing of value. It's hard for me to admit that, but it's been that way for a long time now. It's tough to break cycles of abuse (especially when you are the one abusing yourself emotionally). 

Another big piece missing of my life equation is feeling joy and contentment NOW, just the way I look, just the way I am. My "wants" are a fit body and a man who loves me. But my "joy" right now is my family, my nephew, long walks outside, reading good books, snuggling with Ellie, watching good movies, serving others. I can feel joy right now and not wait for anything else to change or happen in my life to feel those moments. 

People always say "fake it till you make it." I don't like that. I plan on using "faith it till you make it." It's going to be so hard... really hard... but I need to start showing up for life. I can't sit in my apartment and wait for miracles to happen without putting in the work myself. I deserve to be happy, make connections and serve others with my light. I'm going to start showing up for activities where I don't know anyone. I'm going to pray for an opportunity to talk to someone sad or lonely. I'm going to go to the gym and start slow because every effort is a good effort. I'm going to jog on that damn treadmill until my knees hurt knowing I'm taking care of God's greatest gift to me and the feelings of health and confidence will come naturally, as will the man who I'm meant to be with. God NEEDS me, just like He needs you. So let's start showing up.

P.S. All of these "ah-ha" moments were brought to me via regular therapy. I go 2 - 3 times a month. I go to heal. I go to grow. I'm proud of myself for consistently showing up there. #bereal #beyou 

motivational quotes:

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Monday, January 9, 2017

I Found Joy

I found joy in my big comfy chair reading chair. 

I found joy in the Book of Mormon verse I read.

I found joy in the scented candle I lit.

I found joy in the twinkle lights I turned out.

I found joy in Ellie's soft fur against my leg.

I found joy in the Mermaid tail blanket that kept my feet warm.

I found joy writing in my journal.

I found joy reading past journal entries and seeing how far I've come.

I found joy fasting with a purpose.

I found joy taking the sacrament and renewing my covenants with my Heavenly Father.

I found joy in my bright pink lipstick.

I found joy in reflection in the mirror.

I found joy in my nightly prayer.

I found joy in Elder and Sister Nelson's talks.

I found joy in an episode of Sherlock I watched.

I found joy in Meryl Streep's words.

I found joy in my newly organized room.

I found joy in my soft sheets.

I found joy in my warm bubble bath.

I found joy in my new Star Wars calendar.

I found joy in the work I do.

I found joy thinking of my family.

- Beautiful floral "Always choose to be filled with JOY" inspirational quote - Available in either 5x7in or 8x10in print sizes - Printed on professional quality matte photo paper through professional:

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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Goals for 2017

In 2016 my word was "brave" and this year is "joy." To me this means finding joy in every day, regardless of circumstance. 

Every year I always think "maybe this is the year I'll meet someone!" but this year I'm actually doing the opposite and thinking I won't. And that's fine. And maybe a bit pessimistic but I'm done worrying about it. I'm really even done trying to date. I'm going to work on me, do what I need to do and give it to God. 


I also made a few goals this year, some of them are pretty ambitious:

(1)Get comfortable with my body. Listen to it's needs. Eat healthy foods when I'm hungry. Exercise. Focus on how I feel rather than a number and learn to love this gift from God.
(2)Finish my book.
(3)Go to the temple often.
(4)Pay off my car and build my savings account.



LDS general conference quote (printable):