It's not that I'm not happy for her. I am! I am so excited to be an aunt and spoil my little niece or nephew rotten. I will be this baby's only aunt since the father does not have any siblings. "Aunt Whitney" is going to go above and beyond. I hope that I form a special bond with this sweet spirit and that we are close forever and ever.
For years I've dreamed about my little ones and holding them in my arms. To be pregnant and carry them with me would be so incredible. I can't wait to be pregnant. I don't want to complain when I am... not one little bit. There are so many women in the world who want a baby more than anything and are not afforded the opportunity. It is a priceless gift. Sometimes the thought of my kids keeps me going when all other distractions do not. There are my purpose here on earth, my calling.
I watch her grow and plan and feel like I'm aching inside. I know that I'm waiting for the right man, the right timing and the right means... but it's difficult for me.
I realize that I'm an anomaly. I'm 26 years old and ready to be a mother... like yesterday. Most women my age aren't as focused on these things as I am. I've always been an odd duck. :) I'm okay with that. I like knowing what I want and where I'm going. It keeps me grounded and focused on the important things.
There will come a day when I look back and think that all of this was meant to be, all as is it should be. The next five months will continue to get harder, but they also hold beauty and new life. God is good.