Friday, July 26, 2013

My Quarter-Life Crisis

I've been living in a quarter-life crisis for about four years now. It all started when I graduated from ASU in the fall of 2009. I was SO ready to be done with school, classes and homework and make my way into the real world. To me, this world would be beautiful... me, working away at my dream PR job and living life to the fullest. I'd finish my novels and screenplays, travel often, make tons of money and settle down with the right man by the time I was 25. 

None of that happened. About three months into my job in PR for four luxury resorts, I realized I was in way over my head and extremely unhappy. I became depressed and didn't understand why. Wasn't I doing what I always wanted to? When did pitching to the media become so disheartening? Writing press releases so boring? I was also extremely unhappy about my living situation and wasn't having good luck making any friends in my ward. About 8 months later I was blessed to get another job - my current job. 

I thought the feelings of confusion and inadequacy would go away. I was doing something meaningful... for a cause I truly believed in. But they crept back about a year later. Was I really doing what I wanted to? Was I happy? 

After about three years, life goes on. I continued to struggle with my ward, but did a little better making friends, went on a few dates even. Even so, moments of panic would settle in and shake me for days, sometimes even weeks. I would get an idea of what I wanted to do with my life (grad school, work on a cruise ship, become a nanny) and obsess over the idea until something broke my dream. I still have no idea what I'm doing in life. I'm grateful for the chance to move home and figure it out... but I really hope I do. I'm almost 25 and I want to be happy, to find what I'm meant to do in this life and discover happiness along the way. 

Recently, my friend sent me this article and it is so SPOT ON.The writer talks about the ever-so-prominent quarter-life
  • Feeling like you’re not doing well enough 
  • Frustration and disillusionment with the working world 
  • Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going and what your plans are 
  • Anxiety over close relationships 
  • Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”)
  • Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals and reminiscing)
  • Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby ...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in 
  • Financial stress or confusion 
  • Intense loneliness 
  • Feeling that everyone is doing better than you 
  • Terror at the concept of getting “old” 
  • Wondering “Is that all there is?” 
  • A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic and depression 
All of the above statements are so descriptive of the last four years of my life... it's not even funny. I almost cried when I read it because I'm so glad someone else out there is feeling the same way I am. I'm hoping to find my niche where I'll feel some sense of worth and accomplishment. I'm hoping to start dating more and learn more about who I am and who I'm looking for. I'm hoping to realize that I am doing good enough and that things are going to be okay if I trust in the Lord. 

For those of you feeling this way too - you're not alone.



1 comment:

Britni Morgan said...

Love you girl - and I am right there with you! We'll figure it out eventually :)