Thursday, January 24, 2013

On Disappointment & Broken Hearts

Wow... life sure has a way of throwing you curveballs, doesn't it? I've had my heart broken so many times recenlty that I can't even keep track anymore. To make a long story short, I've felt very lost these past few years. I keep thinking I should be in a different place or doing something else. Here are just a few of the schemes that have gotten me excited, and then broken me down:

- I was accepted into an amazing MFA Creative Writing program in London. I would have started September 2012. I still wonder if maybe I should have gone for it.
- I interviewed for a position on the Disney Cruise Line doing a five month long contract, but decided it wasn't for me.
- I went through a grueling round of six interviews for an Executive Team Leader position with Target in Orange County, CA. I didn't make the cut.
- I was rejected into a MFA Creative Writing program at U of U.
- Most recently, I was informed I did not get my dream job in Utah making wishes come true.

Needless to say, I feel sad and a little lost. It's funny how many lessons it has taken me to learn that maybe I'm exactly where Heavenly Father needs me to be. Maybe I'm supposed to stay put right where I am and grow where I'm planted. There are many things I could be doing differently that would make me a happier person, I know that. It's taken rejection, beatings to my self-esteem and many trials to bring me to this realization.

For now I feel the Spirit, a comfort stronger than I have ever known, reasurring me that everything will be okay. One day I'll find the man of my dreams and he'll make me wonder why I even worried about finding him at all. One day I'll fulfill my dream of becoming a mother. Until then, I'm going to snuggle up to Ellie, re-evaluate my life and find ways to become a happier me.

“There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.” - Jane Austen


1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Thanks for being real! Although it sounds like it's been a little bit of a confusing journey, I'm sure it's such a learning experience and believe it or not it is encouraging to the rest of us. I am a senior in college going into education and will be graduating in December of this year. I told a friend today that I'm a little "terrified" to be going into my profession. It seems too fast! And there's always the "what ifs", but I know that God has a plan for both of us. Love the Jane Austen quote by the way! Hope you have a great weekend!