There is nothing that frustrates me more than when you are trying to tell someone about a sad, secret place in your heart and they respond with something like this:
"Seriously? You're worried about that when there are kids starving all over the world?"
Or something of that nature. Mind you, I understand putting our issues in a bigger perspective, but I think the only thing an attitude like that can do is belittle that person's very real and very personal battle.
So, my friends, I crave your indulgence as I explain one very real aching of my heart that may seem little, or silly or just plain selfish.
Sometimes I feel very lonely.
It is probably about 95% my own fault, because I am a total homebody and love just being at home, whether it's crafting, reading, blogging, working out or spending time with Ellie.
As I was driving home tonight from my parent's house, I realized that before my birthday outing, I really haven't been with friends in months. I remember I used to go out... I used to spend my weekends at their houses or going out to restaurants... I used to be so much better about going to church activities and meeting new people. Those who I went with before are now all slowly getting married or dissipating from my life and it's very hard for me to go alone.
I couldn't tell you who my "go-to" friend is. (well, I could, and it would be my mom, but you know what I mean). If an emotional crisis were to occur I would probably call one of my friends out of state, because I feel very close to them. But what could they really do? I feel insecure not having someone living near me who loves and cares about me enough to ask me how I'm doing or what's wrong or what's even new...
I sometimes feel like I'm bottling up all of my angst and loneliness inside, only to let it burst from me at very inopportune times.
All I want is a friend to talk to, to spend time with me often and to understand and love me just the way I am.
Have you ever had a time in your life when you felt this way? I hope some of you can relate. Thank you for letting me send my thoughts your way. If nothing else, I feel better having shared this secret place in my heart.