Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Here's to Growth!

During one of my first sessions with my therapist, I remember telling her that a picture I saw of myself that morning had completely unraveled my day. It was my friend's birthday and she wanted a picture of her and I together. I wasn't feeling pretty already that day and as another friend snapped the pic I knew it wouldn't be good. My friend showed me the picture and my mood changed for the worst. I looked so fat. And awful. I remember how devastatingly low I felt in that session as I told her I hated my body. Hate. I hated it.

My mom asked me the other day if she thought therapy was helping and I couldn't really answer her. Then I thought about something. 

During our family vacation in Colorado, we took TONS of pictures. My best friend was with us and she loves snapping pictures as we adventure and so there were plenty of goofy and unflattering pictures throughout the trip. I remember her showing me a few in particular that were NOT nice pictures of me.

"So what, it's just one picture," I thought in my head, and then moved on with my day. WHAT?! Whitney moved on with her day without obsessing about the bad picture(s)? I hadn't even stopped to think about how monumental this was.

You know what I did later? I posted a picture of Amy and I in swimsuits on Instagram! I don't even like the way I look in that picture so much, but I posted it because it was such a good day and I wanted to remember it and who cares what I looked like?

I then posted several other pictures I normally wouldn't have because my face looked a little funny or my tummy was too chubby or something dumb. But I've decided to let go and make memories. My profile picture right now is of my mom and I. My face is all washed out and chubby looking but I don't care because that's me and my best friend in a beautiful place and it makes me smile. 

You know what this feels like to me? GROWTH. 

Feeling very blessed.


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