Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Do You Remember?

Do you remember that day in Salt Lake City?

The weather was perfect, a soft breeze blowing my hair and chiffon skirt. After breakfast we headed to temple square. The flowers were in full bloom. We held hands and you kept squeezing mine. We ran into a friend of your sister and you introduced me proudly. 

Do you remember the moment we walked by the temple and the sweet old man stopped us?

"When are you two going in there next?" he asked sweetly, a grin on his face and twinkle in his eye.  

You turned, looked at me with that look I so loved and said, "soon."

Do you remember looking at rings? I showed you exactly what I liked and you smiled because you already knew. 

Kisses. Perfect kisses. Kisses I don't know how to live without. 

Do you remember pulling me in close, smelling my hair and whispering: "I love you Whitney"?

I don't know why I've been thinking about that day lately. I know I shouldn't. I know I should remember the day and weeks after. I should remember the agonizing, indescribable pain that came to me on a plane ride home, tears streaking my face as I fully understood what had happened. Coming down from a fog, realization flooding through me. Gasping for air on my bedroom floor, mom trying to calm me down - the sadness in her eyes I couldn't make go away. Dad's voice on the phone, cracking with sorrow, but full of vengeance towards you. I have never felt such love. And pain. Pain, pain and more pain. 

I won't deny that I loved you, because I did. No one can say otherwise, because I know how I feel. I won't deny that I still ache for you, that our memories together get twisted up in my mind in some strange web. For now I am going to put this memory to rest, fold it away in a safe corner of my mind and focus on opening up my heart again. Good bye.

Words To Live By

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1 comment:

Ali Mills said...

I love how you wrote this and good for you folding it away in a drawer and moving on.