Healing.

After a LONG search, I started therapy last week. 

I decided to share this with you because I think there is a negative stigma surrounding mental health and getting help for what you're struggling with, and I don't think that's right. The hardest time to get help is when you are completely entrenched in your issues, but I somehow waded through the awfulness that is the insurance game and therapist search (and my own head) and boy has it already paid off.

I drove to my therapist's office last week full of nervousness. Though I am generally an open person, I worried that I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with her what I was really feeling or experiencing. I worried she wouldn't be the right fit as well. I was wrong on both counts. 

She started by opening herself up to me. She shared more about herself, her past, her struggles and her counseling style. I could tell within just a few minutes that she was perfect for me. She asked me to open up and I don't think I stopped talking for twenty minutes. I told her things I have never told anyone. I cried (BAWLED) and expressed everything I was feeling. She took copious notes and we talked about her methods and ways we could work together. 

At the end she asked me this very important question: what are you hoping to get out of therapy?

I answered like this:
- I want to be able to go on a vacation with my family without having my anxiety ruin the experience.
- I want to be able to prepare myself to date and have a relationship with a worthy man.
- I want to forgive myself.
- I want to look in the mirror and love what I see.
- I want to BE HAPPY because I know I am a naturally happy, upbeat person.

I am going every week for now, and we will be starting EMDR soon. I will share more about what that is and how I learned about it in another entry. 

The main point of today's entry is to urge each and every one of you struggling out there to SEEK HELP. There are third-party professionals out there who WANT to help you. You are loved.