Thursday, September 18, 2014

In my Heart & on my Mind

A few weeks ago, a friend and I were talking about how refreshing it was to read blogs where the writer was open, transparent and imperfect. They let their flaws and difficult times show and let those experiences build them into better people. That kind of honesty is hard to find, especially in the big-name blogs where fashion and number of readers are concerned. I've always prided myself on my open-book nature. Lately I feel like I've been leaving a lot inside, though. 

If I'm being truly honest:

  • Slowly, I am feeling much less anxious in general.
  • My broken heart is healing, in fact - I feel almost fully healed. The hardest part is forgiving yourself.
  • I haven't been this social/active/busy in a LONG time and it feels so refreshing
  • I am making a lot of new friends at church and I always find it so difficult to completely open up to others of my faith. At some point I'm just like, "I'm not perfect, but this is who I am. Please still like me?" And they usually do. I don't know what I'm so insecure for.
  • Dating/relationships/marriage have been on my mind more than usual (I know, I didn't think it was possible either). Some days I feel completely fine about where I am and what's going on in my life and other days the loneliness just creeps in and plagues my anxious mind.
    • Am I pretty enough? 
    • Am I smart enough? 
    • Am I skinny enough?
    • Do all guys just think I'm weird?
    • Am I too picky?
    • Am I doing all I can to put myself out there? (the answer is NO, but working on it)
  • I don't know if I'll be able to go back to Utah for a few years without feeling weird/sad about it.
  • I have big news that I can't share yet. Fail on the "being more open" front.
  • Nobody ever wants to talk about things of a spiritual nature with me. Maybe it's because I always get misty eyed and I ALWAYS want to talk about it, but whatever. Bonnie is the only one I can get real deep and personal with :)
  • I've had at least four hair crises this year.
  • I'm on a never ending quest to lose weight. It's very frustrating and discouraging.
  • If I end up being half the woman my mom is, that will be enough.
  • The past year I stopped looking forward, obsessing about what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be. You know what happened? I became content and realized how blessed I really am. 
In conclusion, I worry too much. 



MILEStones of our life said...

Love you Whitney! :)

Kathleen said...

OOO I want to know your big news!!! share share SHARE!!! :)