Tuesday, January 24, 2012

A Little Bit of Honesty

Sometimes I try so hard to pretend that everything is going well, that life is great. The truth is that most of the time it doesn't feel that way. I'm content. I breathe and I live through each and every day, one day at a time. Do I think that where I am in life is where I want to be? No. It's starting to dawn on me that this is the only life I have, and that I need to live to its full potential. And yet I feel trapped. Trapped by complacency, trapped by lack of progress... trapped by my own head.

I'm going to start by making some confessions in order to strive to be better.

My relationship with my Heavenly Father isn't what it should be. This breaks my heart to admit, but it's true. He is ever constant but I falter daily. I find that because I dislike my ward I have such a hard time attending activities and feeling close to the Spirit. I NEED to be better.

I haven't really worked out in months. I don't know what's wrong with me. In the past I've been so good with taking care of my body and now I seemed to have stopped caring. I've fallen into a rut, a routine that leaves me feeling worse and worse about my body.

I agonize every day that my friends seem to be moving on in their lives (getting married, having babies, moving, new jobs) and that I am stuck in limbo.

Every moment of every day I ask myself: where am I going? Is this what I should be doing?

Thank you for listening.



Ali said...

Girl I'm with you about the ward....I really don't like mine. We were put into Primary within 2 weeks of moving in, so I don't know anyone and we've never been home taught, and only recently did my visiting teachers even try to contact me. I have no motivation to do anything except teach our 4 year olds....I know I should be better but I have such a hard time even trying to think that way.... but I know we can both do it! With prayer anything is possible ;) I hope you feel better about everything!

ana said...

i know how you feel.. as i write this at 5 am having been up since 3 (ok this normally doesnt happen) but i think we both have to change our perspective.. i just read this http://annainspired.blogspot.com/2012/01/so-stop-waiting.html

and it really inspired me. i hope it does you too. and you are not the only who feels in limbo..stuck. and sad. i hope today is awesome for you. **hugs from eland**