Sometimes I try so hard to pretend that everything is going well, that life is great. The truth is that most of the time it doesn't feel that way. I'm content. I breathe and I live through each and every day, one day at a time. Do I think that where I am in life is where I want to be? No. It's starting to dawn on me that this is the only life I have, and that I need to live to its full potential. And yet I feel trapped. Trapped by complacency, trapped by lack of progress... trapped by my own head.
I'm going to start by making some confessions in order to strive to be better.
My relationship with my Heavenly Father isn't what it should be. This breaks my heart to admit, but it's true. He is ever constant but I falter daily. I find that because I dislike my ward I have such a hard time attending activities and feeling close to the Spirit. I NEED to be better.
I haven't really worked out in months. I don't know what's wrong with me. In the past I've been so good with taking care of my body and now I seemed to have stopped caring. I've fallen into a rut, a routine that leaves me feeling worse and worse about my body.
I agonize every day that my friends seem to be moving on in their lives (getting married, having babies, moving, new jobs) and that I am stuck in limbo.
Every moment of every day I ask myself: where am I going? Is this what I should be doing?