Today I was reading over here and just had one of those moments.
You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's that beautiful, perfect speck of time when someone in the universe says precisely what you need to hear at just the right moment.
She told a story about being happy and embracing our bodies exactly the way they are.
Some of you know this and some of you don't, but I struggle with severe self-esteem issues, especially related to my body.
Since I was 12 I can remember agonizing over being thin. I've never been a tiny girl, I've never been petite. At 5'8" I weigh more than most people think I do and it kills me slowly every single day.
I have stretch marks. My thighs touch. My arms have flab. My tummy has pooch. My booty is huge. I get a double chin when I smile too big. Yes, these are the negative comments I tell myself over and over in my head almost on a daily basis. It makes me cry constantly - this secret battle I have in my head.
I diet often. Too often. I hear girls complaining about their weight and agonizing over what to eat. I tell them to be a good example to me, be more positive. I don't think they understand how crucial it is for them to listen to me.
It doesn't help that I also struggle with anxiety, but that's a story for another time. When a boy isn't interested in me (it seems this happens to often), I immediately blame it on my weight.
I've been giving myself timelines lately, telling myself that I have to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain amount of time and then (only then) will I be happy.
How silly and how sad. I've been wasting precious moments worrying about the way I look and becoming thinner.
I know there is someone out there who will love me exactly the way I am. And there are already people who do.
I know that our happiness isn't dictated by our pants size or flat stomach - it is an attitude. (yes, mom, you've been telling me these for years).
Sometimes it takes me longer to internalize truths than others.
Thank you all for listening to this secret, special part of my heart. Thank you for seeing me with all of my insecurities and still encouraging me and loving me.
You are all so wonderful.