Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sharing Insecurities

Today I was reading over here and just had one of those moments.
You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's that beautiful, perfect speck of time when someone in the universe says precisely what you need to hear at just the right moment.

She told a story about being happy and embracing our bodies exactly the way they are.

Some of you know this and some of you don't, but I struggle with severe self-esteem issues, especially related to my body.

Since I was 12 I can remember agonizing over being thin. I've never been a tiny girl, I've never been petite. At 5'8" I weigh more than most people think I do and it kills me slowly every single day.

I have stretch marks. My thighs touch. My arms have flab. My tummy has pooch. My booty is huge. I get a double chin when I smile too big. Yes, these are the negative comments I tell myself over and over in my head almost on a daily basis. It makes me cry constantly - this secret battle I have in my head.

I diet often. Too often. I hear girls complaining about their weight and agonizing over what to eat. I tell them to be a good example to me, be more positive. I don't think they understand how crucial it is for them to listen to me.

It doesn't help that I also struggle with anxiety, but that's a story for another time. When a boy isn't interested in me (it seems this happens to often), I immediately blame it on my weight.

I've been giving myself timelines lately, telling myself that I have to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain amount of time and then (only then) will I be happy.

How silly and how sad. I've been wasting precious moments worrying about the way I look and becoming thinner.

I know there is someone out there who will love me exactly the way I am. And there are already people who do.

I know that our happiness isn't dictated by our pants size or flat stomach - it is an attitude. (yes, mom, you've been telling me these for years).

Sometimes it takes me longer to internalize truths than others.

Thank you all for listening to this secret, special part of my heart. Thank you for seeing me with all of my insecurities and still encouraging me and loving me.

You are all so wonderful.



Gentri said...

I feel like I just read my own thoughts. Thank you for writing this. I think you are beautiful inside and out, and I just started reading your blog. :)

Amanda and Kyle said...

As I was reading this...I was thinking to myself---are you KIDDING ME?! are seriously one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL people that I know. One thing that helps me (when I am having thoughts like this) is to remember that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made." you are beautiful...

Tiffany said...

You are beautiful! No one should ever feel like they are ugly.

Sunday said...

It's almost like I wrote this myself. Thank you...

Mary and Dyer said...

Thanks for sharing this... I know it must be hard! You are so super beautiful though!! Don't let your insecurities bring you down... we all have them!

I hope that you can check out the blog that I just started with my sister and follow us if you like it.

Also, we are doing a great giveaway right now for a Tiffany & Co. necklace!!



Jessie said...

I think you are absolutely beautiful and fabulous and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Trust me... being a girl is HARD, especially in today's society where everyone seems to be one pound. Today, I can relate to you and I appreciate you opening yourself up like this. You show a sense of vulnerability, which is something I have a hard time letting people see. And I envy you for that.

Just say this to yourself every time you look into a mirror “DAMN! I am HOTT” and walk away like it was just another part of your day!

Have a fantastic weekend girlie!!

Laura Elizabeth said...

This right here is a beautiful and brave thing to write. Know that you are definitely not alone at ALL!

Ashley Michelle said...

I just came across your blog and I had to comment because you are BEAUTIFUL! From what I have read so far, you are really funny too. I have definitely had some of the thoughts that you have had, but I am pleased to say that I have finally learned to appreciate my body for the great thing it is :) Thanks for sharing your secret!

Nikki said...

So I have been reading your blog for all of ten minutes (I am new to blogworld), but I feel a kinship with you and this post. You're speaking the words I think. And it gives me hope for myself, since someone as honestly beautiful as you has insecurities, as well. Maybe others don't notice the thigh touching, arm flab, pooches and all the other things you and I worry about. I surely didn't notice from your pictures. Maybe we're just too hard on ourselves. Thank you for sharing!

Bunny said...

You are absolutely gorgeous, Whitney. If a boy can't see how beautiful you are, not only on the outside, but more importantly on the inside, then they are not worth keeping.

You're definitely not alone though. There's so many things I hate about myself, my weight being one of them, but I try to focus on the things I do like about myself, like my eyes and hair.