Life is full of ups and downs, and right now I'm feeling a bit low. I can't believe I'm turning 26 this year. I know it's silly... that I'm young and smart and capable... but I've always really struggled with aging. Sometimes I feel like I haven't done anything truly important with my life, that I'm slowly wasting away, letting my dreams slip past me. I honestly thought by now that I would have my Master's degree from studying abroad. I thought I would be married and happy, maybe with a kiddo on the way. I thought I would be buying my first house, filling it with love and peace. Sometimes I feel very far away from all of those beautiful goals.
I worry that I haven't made the right decision with the men in my life. I worry that I let someone go who I should have kept close to me. I worry that I should have taken a chance on this or that in my life, that things would be different by now.
There's a goal I've set, a beautiful and sacred goal that I intend to see through. Instead of focusing on these negatives, on what I feel I'm missing, on how inadequate I am, I've decided to focus on my relationship with my Heavenly Father, first and foremost. I'm going to stop worrying about dating and marriage. I'm going to stop worrying about my career and the things I feel I "should have" accomplished by now. I'm going to go through the temple. It's a big goal, and I want to be ready, but now is the time. There I now I will feel peace, reassurance, gain confidence, answers to my prayers, knowledge and hope.
I hope that discouragement and darkness dissipate from my soul as the peace of the temple provides hope, light and guidance for me. Even writing about this goal of mine makes me feel lighter, more at peace.
Thank you to everyone in my life for your sweet examples and support. I need it now more than ever.