Change

One of the bravest, most faith-filled decisions of 2018 was taking a brand new job at Phoenix Children's Hospital Foundation in March. 
One of the bravest, most faith-filled decisions of 2018 was quitting that same job at Phoenix Children's Hospital Foundation in August. 
There are lots of things I could say to explain why I left... but ultimately it came down to this: my health, happiness and emotional well-being are the most important things in my life. When something supersedes them... it has to go. 
I'm not 100% sure yet why Heavenly Father wanted me to take the job if He knew I would be leaving (I had strong spiritual confirmation to make the move to PCH and very strong spiritual confirmation to leave). We can only see how the puzzle pieces of our lives fit together looking back, so I may have to give this some time and space. I do know that I have learned innumerable lessons, been filled with humility and faith and met some incredible people. I have guesses as to what He wanted me to learn and push me towards, but I know I will see everything even more clearly as time goes by.
All of this happened on the eve of turning 30, which seemed quite appropriate. In any normal circumstances, I would be filled with anxiety about the unknown... about what to do next... wondering and worrying for the future. Instead, I felt nothing but peace.
I have officially left the non-profit sector and moved on to the for-profit world. Holy heck was that a hard decision. Deciding what to do next was immeasurably more difficult than deciding to leave. The next step in life seemed foggy and unclear. I have defined my work and worth on this earth for so long by my job, by what I did. It didn't seem possible that I could find a job somewhere else and still do good work, and share my heart with the world. 
But, as always, Heavenly Father provided for me. I can't wait to see what the next decade brings in my career as well as my personal life. So many things are shifting for me and I feel like a more strong, confident, capable person than ever before. 

30 Years

I have had a lot of time for reflection lately... mostly about turning 30. The last 30 years have been kind of awesome, but I've been thinking especially about the last 10 years. I can definitely say the most heartache, hardships, growth, happiness and adventures and happened in these last ten years. Some of the highlights:
1. Went on three cruises (Bahamas, Caribbean, Bahamas) 2. Became an AUNT 3. Went to Disneyland a million times (I should really count) 4. Went to Disney World a million times 5. Was a cast member at Disney World 6. Worked for some of the most incredible non-profits in the world 7. Granted wishes 8. Went through the temple 9. Got a boob job (he.he) 10. Bought two cars 11. Adopted a puppy 12. Traveled alone 13. Saw many incredible Broadway shows 14. Started a company 15. Wrote a lot 16. Dated some awesome guys (and some not so awesome) 17. Did an Angel session 18. Went to therapy to heal 19. Made some incredible friends 20. Read many, many books 21. Discovered myself 22. Lived alone 23. Witnessed a birth 24. Witnessed a death 25. Lost an organ (curse you gallbladder) 26. Fell in love 27. Moved probably 10 times 28. Decorated a house 29. Ran two half-marathons  30. Grew
There is only one Whitney Anne Willis in the world and she is me and she is pretty awesome. Here's to the next 30 of growth, discovery, happiness and love. 

Are You Happy?

Jonah does this really cute thing. He will look at you, tilt his head, and say in the sweetest high-pitch voice: "are you happy?" Granted, he usually does it when he has just done something naughty and wants you to not be mad at him.  But sometimes we will be snuggling together, happy as can be, and he'll turn to me and ask that cute question. He's the most empathetic, sweetest kiddo I've ever met. I always say "yes, Jonah Bean, I'm so happy to be with you right now!" Lately, though, I've been thinking about that question a lot. 
Am I happy?
I think I might be. I am happy when I'm at home, in my brand new big bathtub with a book. I am happy when I'm on the floor, praying my little heart out to God. I am happy when Ellie curls up next to me. I am happy when Jonah hugs and kisses me and tells me he loves me. I am happy when I'm laughing with friends. I am happy when I feel my angels near me. I am happy when my momma texts me sweet things. I am happy when I can help someone.
Things might not be going the best in my dating life or at work. I'm not a mother yet. I may not be where I want to be financially, emotionally, or spiritually. But, I am blessed. I am full of faith for the future. And I am happy.
Here are some photos of my favorite person in the world, just for good measure. 
P.S. Yeah. I'm back.

Shop Ashley Lemieux

For years I have struggled with my own sense of personal style. I never knew what was really me, what fit well or looked flattering. Throughout my 20's I have experimented with a lot of different styles and brands (dressing modestly is NO JOKE PEOPLE), but when my friend Ashley Lemieux (founder of my favorite jewelry brand/nonprofit, the Shine Project), started her own clothing line I was ecstatic. I have always loved every single thing she wears - she has such a great fashion sense. She launched last Fall and her brand has blown up in a big way. When she releases new pieces they sell out within hours. I always sit by my computer so I can snag some favorites! I've never felt more beautiful or confident in a clothing line before. So when she needed models for a launch, I was there! 

The shoot was soooo fun. I didn't know any of the girls except for Ashley and Ashley's husband Mike took the photos. I was really nervous at first but found myself feeling more confident and beautiful as we went along. Of course I loved all of her pieces, but one in particular really spoke to me. Guess what? She named it after me!! You can buy the Whitney Floral Maxi dress HERE. 

Enjoy some of my favorite photos!

You Do Know Me

I was having a particularly difficult night. I felt lonely, tired, unmotivated and uninspired. I began to wonder if I even really had a relationship with my Savior. When was the last time I had felt his love? When was the last time I really understood his hand in my life? I fell to the floor on my knees and let out a heartfelt, tear-filled prayer. 

"I just want a relationship with your Son," I pleaded. "I want to feel close to him and know him again."

I slipped into bed and before sleep took me I heard this as clear as day in my mind: "You do know me," immediately followed by a memory.

The memory was the out pour of love after I had repented of a major sin. It was the hardest time of my entire life and yet I had never known my Savior better. I understood his atonement... what it meant to me personally. I was becoming more like him every day through service. I did know him. And I still do.

I just want to remind everyone it's not easy. Sometimes I lose my faith. Sometimes I wonder or worry. I feel anxious or sad or alone. In those times though, I know it's so important to remember the times when we did feel... when we did KNOW.

I Am Certain

There are lots of things in this world that I do not understand. That used to really bother me, but now it doesn't. I have faith that one day I will understand, even if it's not in this lifetime. I'm okay with that. I am certain that God has a plan for me. I am certain that He loves me more than I could possibly know and that He sent His Son to die for me. I am certain that I have influence in this world and that there is light in me and work to be done. I am certain it will all work out.

On the Edge

I feel like I'm on the edge of something (a phrase we use at Girl Scouts) really incredible and important in my life right now. I've discovered more about who I am and how God feels about me in the last two months than ever before. As I reflect, I think it's due to some very key events that happened since early December:

• Feeling depressed after surgery; confused about my spirituality and gaining more perspective/strengthening testimony
• Let's Get Real event with mom
• Seeing the movie "the Shack"
• Reading the book "The Gifts of Imperfection"
• Phone conversations with Bonnie
• Reading the Book of Mormon with a study guide
• Daily affirmations and selfies with Abby 
• Consistently staying for all three hours of church
• Starting to slowly get back to the gym and eat healthier 
• Real, personal prayer

My prayers have really changed, as has my faith and perspective on who God is. I've started asking Him to let me know how He feels about me and how I can better "show up" in my life. I ask to see His hand in all I do and to feel joy through trials and sorrow. I'm starting to wake up happy and enjoy my days. I'm also enjoying work so much I can't believe it. It's incredible to have that in the workplace and to feel seen and loved.

All of the events above are shaping me into something greater and opening up my eyes to who I am and my purpose here on Earth. I think I'm moving towards starting to love myself, little by little. I know this is something I need to work on before I meet "the man," and I'm grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow. I used to be so angry and bitter with God for making me wait for my dreams to come true but I now see He is saving me for something special and using this time to mold me into an incredible woman. I know it's an uphill battle and there's probably a lifetime of learning ahead. I know there will be good days and bad days. But this I know as well: I was brought to this earth for a very particular reason and I am a daughter of a King. I am divine. I am loved. I may even be beautiful. ;)